Monday, November 8, 2010
This one is from my heart. My son's brother.
For over a year now I have had that longing...the heart aching, brain numbing, emotional rollercoster riding, longing for another child.
We have been through some changes in the last year and we are now in a new "waiting phase". I feel like God must really want me to know how to wait for things because it seems I have been "waiting" a lot in the last ten years.
We are waiting on funds. Waiting on me to finish my college education so that I can be working and contributing to the family income. Waiting on....I don't know, the "right time" to add to our family of 4.
When Princess was a baby I knew I was done. I was overwhelmed. We hadn't planned to adopt again so soon (even though honestly I couldn't wait to have another baby). Mighty Mike was just 18 months old when we found out that Princess was coming in 8 weeks. She ended up coming in 6 weeks. I went from proud mom of one to "what am I doing?" mom of two! Don't get me wrong...I was totally and utterly in love with our new daughter. I knew from the moment I learned about her that she was meant for us and she surely was. Things just tend to change when you have a second child and it was rough for the first year because she was sick a lot and my toddler Mighty needed a lot of attention.
Princess has asthma. She was sick often for the first year of her life. She even spent her first New Years in the hospital with phenomena. We had her on about 3-5 medications at any given time there for a while and had very broken sleep. We were sure that with her health problems we had our hands full and wouldn't be able to handle any more children.
Fast forward two years and she is doing remarkably well. She gets wheezy whenever she gets a cold but we have it down. She is really healthy now and becoming very independent.
Mighty Mike started asking us for a baby brother about 2 years ago. He says the cutest (heartbreaking) things. The other day he asked when we passed by our neighborhood hospital if that is where we would find his baby brother and when we could go get him. He says he wants 10 brothers, or maybe 16. He asks God in his little boy voice to "please help us find my baby brother". He asks me all the time "Mommy, when can I have a baby brother?". This is not easy on me. I want to tell him TOMORROW! I want to tell him that I know God's plan. I want to give him a baby brother.
I know that God has a plan. I know that everything is in His perfect timing. I have come a long way in a year through this longing and I am trying to just patiently wait on Him for the answers. I just keep wondering if my son is out there in the world somewhere. Maybe he is being born as I type in Ethiopia, Uganda, Haiti, China or Taiwan. Maybe he is right down the block in his birthmother's tummy. Maybe he is in foster care. Maybe he is yet to be.
I can't stop thinking about him though. I can't stop longing for him.