Thankful.

Every year when the holidays come around I have this sense of pure gratitude and joy. You see, about 6 years ago I was facing a Thanksgiving and a Christmas with sorrow and pain filling my every thought. We spent Thanksgiving that year with my family in North Carolina and while I had a smile on my face I was broken and shattered inside.

With our nieces and my brother during our Thanksgiving trip.

In 2004 my husband and I decided to try IVF. We were finally hopeful. I was very young and the Doctor's all said that our chances were fantastic. We had a successful round of IVF with a positive pregnancy test. I was beyond happy. I was ecstatic! I thought that the waiting was officially over and that my dream of having a baby would finally come true!

That joy lasted about 2 weeks. Then I started having signs of a miscarriage. I spoke with my nurse several times and all she said was that I would have to "wait and see, but probably I was losing my baby". I had an ultrasound at 6 weeks and there was no sign of life. They told me that it could be a late implant but that there was no way to know for another week or two.

Then I started swelling and having severe cramping on my left side. I felt weak and I knew something wasn't right. I asked that they please give me another ultrasound because I feared that I was having an ectopic pregnancy. Turns out I was right. We went in for another ultrasound. My blood pressure was through the roof (and I always have perfect blood pressure). I was shaking and in some pain. Finally the Doctor comes in and we have the ultrasound. I've never forget what I saw on the screen or the words our Doctor spoke in that moment.

"Well I'll be damned"......"There is a heartbeat in your tube".

My left tube had ruptured. I was bleeding internally. My growing, heart beating fetus was not going to live.


As soon as I heard the words and saw my babies heart beat I lost it. I felt faint. I was in excruciating pain, I was undone. I could barely walk. We sat waiting for our hospital papers and called family. I hardly remember anything after that. I remember my husband tearfully holding my hand. I remember my dear friend visiting me and staying by my side after the surgery.

I remember the nurse that cared for me with such sweet gentleness. She was emotionally connected to me. She was exactly the person who should have cared for me. She gently told me about her two miracle daughters. She adopted them both and told me that adoption is a beautiful option.

I left the hospital knowing in my heart that I was done with trying to make it happen. I was not going to go through anymore fertility treatments. I had always wanted to adopt anyways. It just made sense.

In our follow up appointments with the Doctor he asked us what we wanted to do next and we told him we were going to adopt.

Within a month we had signed up with an agency "Heart Of Adoption". By March we were waiting for our first child to be born.

Now every holiday season I remember the pain and the hurt of waiting hopelessly. I look at my miracles and I whole heartedly agree, adoption is a beautiful option. It's the best and only option for me. 

"Beautiful things"

All this pain

I wonder if I’ll even find my way

I wonder if my life could really change at all

All this earth

Could all that is lost ever be found

Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of the dust

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of us

All around

Hope is springing up from this old ground

Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of the dust

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of us

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of the dust

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new

You make me new, You are making me new

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of the dust

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of us

 Every time we sing this song at church I think about how God turned something so painful and horrible into the beautiful family that I have. I am so thankful for my kids. I am so thankful that God has a plan for my life and for my children's lives. I can't wait to do this again! I can't wait to see what beautiful things God has in store for our family, and for yours!

To those of you who have suffered the pain of losing a baby, a pregnancy, or the dream of one, my heart goes out to you. I know the pain of it. I know the misery of it. I can tell you that on the other side, it can be beautiful and joyous and great!

Thankful,

Sarah

Gungor - Beautiful Things

Guest Blogger-Laurel Feierbach From God Found Us You.

I am honored to have Laurel Feierbach guest blogging for my today. Her story is beautiful and moving. Visit Laurel's blog at God Found Us You for more from Laurel about her adoption experience. Thanks so much Laurel for sharing with us and for your words of encouragement to those who are waiting for their child. -Sarah

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."  James 1.27

This is why we adopted.  How can you get more clear than that?  God says religion, this whole Christian thing, is about taking care of the helpless. 

When my husband and I decided we were ready to have children and wanted to do that through adoption, we researched all of our options.  We wanted an infant for our first child and felt that the greatest need was in international or foster care adoption.  After researching foster care infant adoption, we decided we wanted to go international this time around.  Social workers we talked with told us that we could foster an infant for up to two years before he/she is up for adoption or placed back with the birth family.  For our first child, we didn't want to wait two more years and then start the process all over again.  We wanted a child now.  We do plan on adopting through foster care for our next child.

So we began the process of adopting our son from Ethiopia.  The entire process took a year and a half and brought us to our then 8-month-old baby boy last February.  For me, and I think for my husband, the hardest part of the wait was last Christmas.  As we near the holidays, I am reminded how difficult they were for me last year.

Last Christmas, we had received our referral, we knew who our son was, we became his legal guardians on December 16, but we still had to wait.  We had to wait for our travel date in February, for paperwork to be pushed, for legalities that didn't seem important enough to keep our son in an orphanage halfway around the world for another minute.

Christmas night.  My husband and I were driving home from my in-laws after a long day of splitting time between our families.  I broke down.  I just cried and cried.  I hadn't enjoyed the holiday.  It wasn't fun for me.  

The hardest part was at my in-laws house as we sat around watching our nieces and nephews open their gifts.  Once kids come into your family, holidays become mostly about them, as you know.  Both of my husband's siblings had kids already and each had a child the same age as our son.  So my husband and I sat on the couch and watched these babies open gifts, play, get excited, be loved.  We watched their parents delight in their smiles and laughs.  And our hearts broke.  All we could think about was that big-eyed boy in the photos and the fact that he didn't have us yet.

Are you there right now?  As we go through this holiday season, my heart goes out to you.  Knowing that it probably won't ease your pain or your longing, I still want to tell you that you'll get there.  You'll hold that child in your arms and you'll belong to each other in every sense.  The wait will end, the process will be complete, you'll arrive home with that bundle of life, and you'll know that every second, every piece of paperwork, every phone call, every prayer, every tear was so much more than worth it.

Because this moment cannot be explained.  This moment is enough to fill a thousand Christmases with joy.

 

Laurel Feierbach

God Found Us You

This one is from my heart. My son's brother.

For over a year now I have had that longing...the heart aching, brain numbing, emotional rollercoster riding, longing for another child.

We have been through some changes in the last year and we are now in a new "waiting phase". I feel like God must really want me to know how to wait for things because it seems I have been "waiting" a lot in the last ten years.

We are waiting on funds. Waiting on me to finish my college education so that I can be working and contributing to the family income. Waiting on....I don't know, the "right time" to add to our family of 4.

When Princess was a baby I knew I was done. I was overwhelmed. We hadn't planned to adopt again so soon (even though honestly I couldn't wait to have another baby). Mighty Mike was just 18 months old when we found out that Princess was coming in 8 weeks. She ended up coming in 6 weeks. I went from proud mom of one to "what am I doing?" mom of two! Don't get me wrong...I was totally and utterly in love with our new daughter. I knew from the moment I learned about her that she was meant for us and she surely was. Things just tend to change when you have a second child and it was rough for the first year because she was sick a lot and my toddler Mighty needed a lot of attention.

Princess has asthma. She was sick often for the first year of her life. She even spent her first New Years in the hospital with phenomena. We had her on about 3-5 medications at any given time there for a while and had very broken sleep. We were sure that with her health problems we had our hands full and wouldn't be able to handle any more children.

Fast forward two years and she is doing remarkably well. She gets wheezy whenever she gets a cold but we have it down. She is really healthy now and becoming very independent.

Mighty Mike started asking us for a baby brother about 2 years ago. He says the cutest (heartbreaking) things. The other day he asked when we passed by our neighborhood hospital if that is where we would find his baby brother and when we could go get him. He says he wants 10 brothers, or maybe 16. He asks God in his little boy voice to "please help us find my baby brother". He asks me all the time "Mommy, when can I have a baby brother?". This is not easy on me. I want to tell him TOMORROW! I want to tell him that I know God's plan. I want to give him a baby brother.

I know that God has a plan. I know that everything is in His perfect timing. I have come a long way in a year through this longing and I am trying to just patiently wait on Him for the answers. I just keep wondering if my son is out there in the world somewhere. Maybe he is being born as I type in Ethiopia, Uganda, Haiti, China or Taiwan. Maybe he is right down the block in his birthmother's tummy. Maybe he is in foster care. Maybe he is yet to be.

I can't stop thinking about him though. I can't stop longing for him.

<3 Sarah

Fundraiser Link Up.

If you or someone you know is raising funds towards an adoption link up you fundraisers with my sisters blog! I am also planning on doing a permanent link up of fundraisers so comment below if you would like me to include you!



http://www.kristinsreview.com/2010/11/link-up-your-items-for-sale-to-support.html

Gotcha Day Fund For Jax!

This is one of those opportunities that I always hope for, the chance to help someone adopt. My friends Elizabeth and Jeremy are already the most amazing parents to their son Jax. He is their child.
There is this little thing (of huge importance) called a final hearing. Elizabeth and Jeremy have been waiting a very long time for theirs. It is the day that they will call Gotcha Day for their cherished son, Jax.
In order to make this happen they need to raise some funds! They need $5000 by the 28th of November to make this happen. Please consider giving. Even a few bucks will make a difference and help them achieve their goal.
Feel free to share this link on Facebook and pass along to your friends and loved ones.
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=166189333410900&num_event_invites=226

A Home For The Holidays with Michael Franti Adoption Month

An Adoption Blog Hop!

Are you an adoptive/foster parent that blogs? Are you blogging about your adoption that you are going through right now? First of all, I would love to follow you! Secondly, this blog hop is just for you!

Ordinary Hero Blog: It's Adoption Awareness Month! Let us Help You Rai...

Ordinary Hero Blog: It's Adoption Awareness Month! Let us Help You Rai...: "What is the biggest question when it comes to adoption? How will I ever raise all that money? Next Sunday is Adoption Sunday. We want to..."